So one year ago I turned the page to a new chapter. Usually when I feel that I’m moving to a new season I like to take some time to reflect. This time I sort of felt the need to just ride the wave and be in it. Allow myself to just be whisked away by life for whatever it may bring. I remember moving into my downtown LA apartment, thinking how did I get here. Am I really living this life!? Is this really my home!? I had just gotten my apartment furnished how I like it. Got my vibes just right and I sat on my bed looking around. Something very quiet and still in me said, “This is amazing but be prepared to let it go.” Here I was, right where I had wanted to be for the past three years of straight STRUGGLE in LA. I was finally able to (what I would often call..) stick my head above water. Even still, in the midst of my accomplishment, something inside of me was telling me, “You’ve got places to go. So don’t get comfortable.” A year later and it was time. I was prepared. I’d been warned the moment I received it that there would come a time where I would be letting my triumph be a chapter.
So I left my incredible home and life in LA to a familiar home that has done it’s own growth in my absence, Cincinnati. Being surrounded around so much nostalgia, love, and new beginnings, has been everything! Right now, Spring is on the peak of becoming and I have been able to celebrate seasons changing in a multitude of ways. My family and I have started a tradition of fasting for each season change. Fasting in itself has been such a journey for me. So I’ve been digging more and more into the benefits and history of it out of pure curiosity. Last night I watched an interview of Dick Gregory and he happened to be speaking about fasting (That’s just how the universe works. Bringing me everything I need right when I need it). He was describing the many experiences he’s had with fasting and the benefits it has for the body. He says, “When you fast everything in the body changes and the universe takes over. When you go on a fast the body starts consuming itself.” He questioned if you comb your hair and hair comes out, is it the strong or weak strands? Fasting helps your body heal.
For me I felt that it was about discipline. I’ve been doing fast after fast and challenge after challenge because I want to feel commitment. I want to show myself commitment. I want to stick with something. Not because I have to but because I said I would. Not because someone is keeping me accountable, because I must keep myself accountable. And in the midst of it I am finding the tools that I tend to use or the ones that work best for me when things get tough. How do I pull myself through? What works? Is it reminding myself of something? Is it yelling at myself? Punishing myself?
Well, I literally just looked up the definition of ‘discipline’ and it is described as the practice of training a person to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience. As an Aquarian and someone who identifies with being a true rebel, all of these words make me itch (correct, obey, rules, disobedience) finger to the back of my throat! But the one word that does stand out which is what I think I’ll call this instead of discipline, is practice. I am learning my practice. It is such a journey, to learn when to keep pushing, when to rest, when to commit, when to retreat. It is a practice. One that will allow me to gain the skills needed for me to become the highest possible manifestation of myself!